"Aiyo, you put on weight ah?" "Eat more! Why are you so skinny?" "Why don't you have a girlfriend/boyfriend yet?" "Wah, so old already, why still not married?" "When are you giving me a baby?" "How much you earn ah?" "What are you working as now?" "Why do you still not have a job?" "Why haven't you added me back on Facebook/Instagram?"
Did you read that in their voices? Phew, us too!
Though Chinese New Year is a time of celebration and joy for many, it can also be the most stressful and difficult time of the year for some. From many of the younger generation not wanting to return to their hometowns to some people hiring a fake boyfriend for Chinese New Year to avoid personal questions, the pressure is too real.
If you are also one of them, don't worry! We've prepared some simple steps to ease your anxiety and tune out your inner critic during the Chinese New Year celebration. Hopefully, you will feel less alone knowing that many of us face this too! In addition, we've also prepared some common questions and answers for all the "kepoh" relatives who are all up in your business! Let's get started!
1. Acknowledge your feelings and know that you're not alone.
The first step to improving your self-confidence is to acknowledge your insecurities. It's perfectly normal to feel anxious or insecure at times, especially when others are constantly making negative comments. But if it goes unsolved, low self-esteem can make us more vulnerable to mental health problems such as increased anxiety, depression and more. Research has also shown that up to 40% of our happiness depends on how we experience recent life events. So the more we acknowledge our feelings, the easier it is for us to reflect on and overcome them.
Also, take the time to understand that you aren't the only one struggling. Some of us are ashamed to talk to our friends or close family members about our struggles because instead of feeling joyful about the holidays, we tend to feel anxious or sad. But there is no shame in that! Accept these feelings and know that it's not your fault, and talk openly about it with someone. The people you care about will be there for you and help you cope with these feelings better. You'll never know; they might also be going through the same thing!
Q: "Aiyo, you put on weight ah?" A: "The bigger the waistline, the more prosperous my family will be!"
2. Focus on what you're good at.
Insecurity often arises from constantly comparing ourselves with others and feeling that we fall short in some way. It is common for some of our relatives to compare, even when it shouldn't be the norm! Sometimes, this gets in our heads, increasing the voices of our inner critic and leading to us comparing ourselves with others who seem to have "more". But the grass is always greener on the other side, and comparison is the thief of joy! Always remind yourself that you cannot control what people say, but you can control how you deal with the situation. As the saying goes, "go in one ear and out the other".
So, instead of focusing on what you lack, focus on your strengths instead! Make a list of all the things that make you unique and special, such as your interests, hobbies and talents. Use this as an opportunity to celebrate yourself. It's always good to remind ourselves of our qualities despite all the noise. Only you know your own progress! Be proud, and give yourself some credit!
Q: "Why don't you have a girlfriend/boyfriend yet?" A: "Aunty/uncle, I catch flights, not feelings!"
3. Create boundaries; It's okay to say no.
Even though it is hard to say no to family gatherings, we should always take care of our own needs first! Set boundaries for yourself if you feel sad or anxious in certain situations, and give yourself permission to leave a gathering if it becomes too overwhelming or uncomfortable. Do not feel obliged to stay longer than you would like just because everyone else is enjoying themselves or you're scared of disappointing those you love!
Besides, there is a big difference between the Chinese New Year blues, which quickly disappear, and long-term anxiety and sadness after the festivities. If you usually struggle for a long time after Chinese New Year because of insensitive comments, it's okay to say no. People do not realise that words really hurt and can seriously affect our self-esteem. So, stop taking care of others' needs by saying yes; you will end up neglecting yourself completely. Value yourself enough to say no, as you are the author of your story!
Q: "When are you giving me a baby?" A: "When you give me more angpao!"
4. Take Time For Yourself. Be Kind!
Be sure to set aside some time for yourself during this busy period. Whether that means watching a TV show you love or simply going for a walk, take whatever time is necessary to recharge and relax! This will help you stay calm in challenging situations and provide an opportunity for self-reflection, ultimately leading to increased self-confidence in the long run.
Plus, amid all the chaos, it's easier for us to throw self-compassion out the window. So be kind to yourself, as it's essential during difficult times. Remember, those words are not a reflection of you!
Q: Why don't you have a job? A: "I do have a job! I care for my parents to thank them for raising me well all these years."
5. Plan ahead and challenge your negative thoughts
Some of us don't always have the privilege of saying no to family gatherings. But if that's the case, you can take baby steps to plan ahead and get yourself excited for the festive season. Focus on small, exciting things instead! For example, imagine dressing up and wearing your new outfit, receiving angpaos, or eating all the delicious Chinese New Year foods and cookies!
It's so easy to be even harder on ourselves, as we are our biggest critics. But beating yourself up even more over hurtful words will keep you stuck in a negative cycle of self-loathing and shame for a long time. So, instead of doing that, try countering your negative thoughts as they come up! For example, forgive yourself and understand that these words don't define you as a person, or write down your negative thoughts so you can step back and observe them later. This will not only help you see the bigger picture, but it will also help you to identify less with all the negative thoughts that your mind is telling you. This step is the most challenging, but you can do it!
Q: "Why haven't you added me back on Facebook/Instagram?" A: "I don't use them anymore! I'm taking a social media break!"
The holidays can be incredibly stressful for those who struggle with insecurities or low self-esteem. But that doesn't mean that it's impossible to overcome them!
Try your best to manage these difficult emotions by creating boundaries, focusing on what makes you unique, and taking some well-deserved alone time each day.
Additionally, if you want a positive community to work off all the Chinese New Year cookies, or you want to give your self-esteem a boost, Seshy is here to the rescue! We believe that workouts should be held in a safe and non-judgmental environment, so all body shapes and sizes are welcome! Plus, regardless of your experience, we also have certified instructors that will help guide you through your fitness journey and help you be the best version of yourselves!
So, what are you waiting for? Sign up right now by downloading the Seshy from the app store! If you'd also like to look at all our exciting outdoor fitness classes, you can find them here! Join us, and we can build a fun and positive community together!